What are some of your major takeaways from this microfiction piece? And what would you do to fix this story to make it better (within the confines of the genre)?
Your comment, "It’s beautiful in a tragic kind of way" pretty much sums up my feeling about this piece. I find I wonder at the stardust, but am reminded of the tragedy of the Dust Bowl days of our own US history. My husband's mother lived in Oklahoma during the Dust Bowl, and had told us stories of those days. It was rough, very much like this story.
I guess I expect in 100 word pieces that there will be a minimum of transition. The one sentence about the elders' prediction is almost in answer to Kiera's question, and takes the place of her mother answering. But I see your point, it does steal a bit of the thunder of the end.
I love what you do when you write 100 word pieces. There are choices to be made, and it's the words a writer chooses to use and those he/she chooses to leave out that makes the 100 word drabble so uniquely fascinating. I find I am drawn to reading 100 word pieces, because I have chosen to learn more about writing them, while doing the 30 day Microfiction Challenge. I still do some writing that way.
I agree with you that this piece would be great in a longer length. If you choose to do that sometime in the future, I'll enjoy hearing what you do with it when not restrained by 100 words.
What are some of your major takeaways from this microfiction piece? And what would you do to fix this story to make it better (within the confines of the genre)?
Your comment, "It’s beautiful in a tragic kind of way" pretty much sums up my feeling about this piece. I find I wonder at the stardust, but am reminded of the tragedy of the Dust Bowl days of our own US history. My husband's mother lived in Oklahoma during the Dust Bowl, and had told us stories of those days. It was rough, very much like this story.
I guess I expect in 100 word pieces that there will be a minimum of transition. The one sentence about the elders' prediction is almost in answer to Kiera's question, and takes the place of her mother answering. But I see your point, it does steal a bit of the thunder of the end.
I love what you do when you write 100 word pieces. There are choices to be made, and it's the words a writer chooses to use and those he/she chooses to leave out that makes the 100 word drabble so uniquely fascinating. I find I am drawn to reading 100 word pieces, because I have chosen to learn more about writing them, while doing the 30 day Microfiction Challenge. I still do some writing that way.
I agree with you that this piece would be great in a longer length. If you choose to do that sometime in the future, I'll enjoy hearing what you do with it when not restrained by 100 words.